Sunday, March 16, 2014

Respect Your Elders !?!

Something we have all been taught.  But there are moments when I truly believe it does not apply.

On a recent visit to the doctor my daughter proceeded to exit the car while a couple of cars away so did a lady I would guess to be in her late 50s, early 60s.  Ally stood waiting for us to come with her meanwhile so did the older lady.  As they both proceeded to go, Ally said,  "I'm sorry" (assuming the lady would like to go first) and waited for a couple of seconds.  When the lady didn't go Ally decided obviously she wasn't ready and started to walk toward the building.  At this time I walked up and told the lady to go first.  She huffed, waved her hand and said "No you go."   I thanked her and tried to catch up with Ally.

Behind me in a loud disgusted voice I hear the same lady say, "Some people nowadays!"  I was shocked.  What the hell!!  I would have let it go, but neither Ally nor I were being disrespectful and although being a in a good mood, it started my blood boiling.   I turned around and said, "I would have let you go first."  She of course wouldn't look me in the eye and says,"I wasn't referring to you."

I held the door open for her despite my urge to slam it in her face and said, "She would have let you go first.  She's not like that."  Nothing obviously was going to get to her because she continued to avoid my eye contact and said, "Whatever."  On top of all that she proceeded to go to the front desk and talk about us to the nurses. 

At this point I knew there was nothing I could say to convince her otherwise than my daughter was a disrespectful teenager.  Now there is no such thing as a perfectly behaved teenager but I have raised my child to hold doors for others, give chairs to people who can't stand for long periods and respect their elders on a whole.

Once alone and in the doctor's office, I said to Ally, "That is why we always let seniors go first." She replied with, "But Mom I said she could go first and when she didn't do anything I figured she wanted me to go." At this point I realized, the woman more than likely just didn't hear her and yet immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ally was rude to her.

How at this point can I convince my daughter who has done exactly what I have taught her that EVERY senior is deserving of her respect.  (Or everyone in general for that matter)  She looked absolutely confused and upset to the fact that this complete stranger would verbally attack her for a simple misunderstanding.

Ally and her G-Ma (as Ally calls her)  One of her favorite people in the entire world
This situation did however teach me something very valuable.  On a whole we are quick to assume the worst when little things like this happen; someone cuts in front of you at the grocery store, doesn't wave when you let them into your lane, or possibly a misunderstood few words uttered at an inappropriate time.  Either way, I have made a conscious effort to no longer jump the gun and assume that they meant to do it intentionally,  because the look on my daughter's face in that moment made me realize that people's reactions will also help determine whether they deserve my respect or not.

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Pretty Woman "fat girl"

The other day I lived what I like to call my very own "pretty woman" experience.  No, I am not talking about a handsome man closing a jewelry case on my hand while trying to touch a beautiful necklace.  I am talking about that wonderful moment when you walk in a clothing store and get the sneaking suspicion that you aren't exactly welcome there.

The best part about this experience, is that I was not the only one who noticed it.  My husband, probably for the first time, witnessed first-hand how it is for bigger girls to go shopping in regular sized girls stores. (This can also happen if you walk into a plus-size store and they think you are too small to shop there as well!)  I am right on the edge where I never know whether or not I will be able to fit their clothes.  To say shopping is stressful is an understatement.
So we wander into the store looking for leather-like blazers.  Immediately my husband noticed the 50something year old size 4 petite woman look me up and down and choose to ignore our presence.  Of course I noticed it as well but after years of dealing with this, I expect nothing less.  Like most other size 14/16 women I immediately go to the XL jackets just praying that the damn things will fit. Meanwhile my hubby is thinking to himself and almost says to me, "Honey, maybe we should take our business elsewhere."

I head towards the racks and try one on......IT FITS!! So excited. The woman starts to take notice after I try a few on and comes over to see if I need assistance.  I explain what I am looking for and she begins the search.  As I begin to try on jacket after jacket and put them in a pile to purchase, the lady realizes I am here to spend and  proceeds to point out scarves and jewelry and everything else she figures she can sell me.  Finally giving me the attention I deserved from the minute I walked in the door.  I held back though and only bought 4 of the jackets (all of which were on sale).

While some would argue that she was just allowing me the time to see if I was just looking, the fact of the matter is, my husband felt the disdain radiating off her towards me the moment she looked me over.  Isn't it sad though that I have come to accept this as the norm.   Now I could have left and bought elsewhere, but I had been looking all over and this was the first place I could find a good selection of what I was looking for.

Besides, if I left the store every time someone looked at me like that, I'd be walking around naked.  

Thursday, March 06, 2014

Distracted driving

After posting a rather depressing post earlier, I thought it might be good idea to lighten the mood with a cute story from earlier in the week.

On a trip uptown to get our order of wor wonton soups, my husband and I were having a discussion about nothing in particular when I noticed he was over the speed limit while going through a school zone.  (Now before you all judge, you know you have done it, don't lie!).   As always, I asked Russ if he was aware he was speeding through a school zone. Obviously annoyed with my reminder, he proceeded to inform me that 90% of all distracted driving originates with the passenger..... REALLY!!!!! You did not just go there!   

After reminding him that the school zone has been there for the last 8 years and that there is no reason why he would be distracted enough to forget it, I asked him if I should just stop talking.  He laughed and said no.  So I basically pointed out that he will need to learn how to multi-task because I will continue to talk.

After picking up our soups and proceeding home, as we approached the same school zone I made the decision to not say a word.  At approximately 3/4 of the way through the school zone when the car abruptly slowed to the speed limit, I looked over at my husband and said,"don't ever use me as an excuse to your distracted driving,"and he smiles and says, "I was still thinking about what you said earlier!"     AWE HELL NO!

Moral of the story:  Stop giving your wife ammunition for her blog.  Now everyone knows... (Not really a moral, more so a fact.)


I promised never to post negative blogs but this one I believe many other women can relate to so I will keep it short and sweet.

Recently, in a group I followed on Facebook, someone asked for everyone to post a picture of them and their best friend.  I was amazed at how this one little request was so upsetting for me.  The realization hit that I no longer have that "girl" who has my back.  Don't get me wrong, I have lots of ladies who I am lucky to call my friends.  Sadly though, all the girls that used to be my rock either live very far away or life has caused us to drift apart.

Over the last 17 years my husband has become my best friend.  He is the one I want to call first when something happens, he drops everything when I need help, and this has been enough for me.  However, I have recently been watching my daughter invest all of her time with her boyfriend and slowly reducing her "girl" time to practically nothing.  This for some reason is very concerning to me.  While she has a fabulous boyfriend, I believe it is important to keep those relationships with other girls.

This got me to thinking.  What if something happened with my husband and I?  I literally wouldn't have that ONE girl to call for moral support.  I really don't currently have that ONE girl who calls me up and says "let's go on a trip, let's go shopping, let's go to the movies." How did I let this happen?

                                                      picture originated from

Growing up I wanted LOTS of friends.  I craved it.   Being unpopular my pool was limited but I had that one girl who just "got" me. The one that you could see all day and still phone that night and talk for another couple of hours.  That was until I made some new friends in another town and while I partied with them, she no longer wanted to be around me.  I had changed.  After that phase ended, we rekindled our friendship and we can still talk for hours on the phone like it was old times but she lives 4 hours away and with us both having kids and husbands who work out of town, we have only seen each other a few times in the last 15 years.

I had a couple of really good friends when I got married and as Ally was growing up but now they both live in another city and while I love visiting them, it has become quite apparent I am now more of a third wheel when I am there.  But it makes sense, they get "Bestie time."

Reading that post and seeing all those friends that have the ability to have "bestie time" made me feel empty inside.  Some posted pictures of their moms, sisters, cousins and this didn't exactly help because I have no family here either.  =(

I spoke with my daughter and asked "What if something happens to you and your boyfriend?  Who will you turn to?"  She looks at me and smiles, "I'll have my mommy."   I don't know whether to smile or cry,  because as awesome as that sounds to me, I just don't want her to end up as alone as I am right now. 

Pity party is now closed.