Respect Your Elders !?!

Something we have all been taught.  But there are moments when I truly believe it does not apply.

On a recent visit to the doctor my daughter proceeded to exit the car while a couple of cars away so did a lady I would guess to be in her late 50s, early 60s.  Ally stood waiting for us to come with her meanwhile so did the older lady.  As they both proceeded to go, Ally said,  "I'm sorry" (assuming the lady would like to go first) and waited for a couple of seconds.  When the lady didn't go Ally decided obviously she wasn't ready and started to walk toward the building.  At this time I walked up and told the lady to go first.  She huffed, waved her hand and said "No you go."   I thanked her and tried to catch up with Ally.

Behind me in a loud disgusted voice I hear the same lady say, "Some people nowadays!"  I was shocked.  What the hell!!  I would have let it go, but neither Ally nor I were being disrespectful and although being a in a good mood, it started my blood boiling.   I turned around and said, "I would have let you go first."  She of course wouldn't look me in the eye and says,"I wasn't referring to you."

I held the door open for her despite my urge to slam it in her face and said, "She would have let you go first.  She's not like that."  Nothing obviously was going to get to her because she continued to avoid my eye contact and said, "Whatever."  On top of all that she proceeded to go to the front desk and talk about us to the nurses. 

At this point I knew there was nothing I could say to convince her otherwise than my daughter was a disrespectful teenager.  Now there is no such thing as a perfectly behaved teenager but I have raised my child to hold doors for others, give chairs to people who can't stand for long periods and respect their elders on a whole.

Once alone and in the doctor's office, I said to Ally, "That is why we always let seniors go first." She replied with, "But Mom I said she could go first and when she didn't do anything I figured she wanted me to go." At this point I realized, the woman more than likely just didn't hear her and yet immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ally was rude to her.

How at this point can I convince my daughter who has done exactly what I have taught her that EVERY senior is deserving of her respect.  (Or everyone in general for that matter)  She looked absolutely confused and upset to the fact that this complete stranger would verbally attack her for a simple misunderstanding.

Ally and her G-Ma (as Ally calls her)  One of her favorite people in the entire world

This situation did however teach me something very valuable.  On a whole we are quick to assume the worst when little things like this happen; someone cuts in front of you at the grocery store, doesn't wave when you let them into your lane, or possibly a misunderstood few words uttered at an inappropriate time.  Either way, I have made a conscious effort to no longer jump the gun and assume that they meant to do it intentionally,  because the look on my daughter's face in that moment made me realize that people's reactions will also help determine whether they deserve my respect or not.
 
 

Pretty Woman "fat girl"

The other day I lived what I like to call my very own "pretty woman" experience.  No, I am not talking about a handsome man closing a jewelry case on my hand while trying to touch a beautiful necklace.  I am talking about that wonderful moment when you walk in a clothing store and get the sneaking suspicion that you aren't exactly welcome there.

The best part about this experience, is that I was not the only one who noticed it.  My husband, probably for the first time, witnessed first-hand how it is for bigger girls to go shopping in regular sized girls stores. (This can also happen if you walk into a plus-size store and they think you are too small to shop there as well!)  I am right on the edge where I never know whether or not I will be able to fit their clothes.  To say shopping is stressful is an understatement.

www.beigeplus.com

So we wander into the store looking for leather-like blazers.  Immediately my husband noticed the 50something year old size 4 petite woman look me up and down and choose to ignore our presence.  Of course I noticed it as well but after years of dealing with this, I expect nothing less.  Like most other size 14/16 women I immediately go to the XL jackets just praying that the damn things will fit. Meanwhile my hubby is thinking to himself and almost says to me, "Honey, maybe we should take our business elsewhere."

I head towards the racks and try one on......IT FITS!! So excited. The woman starts to take notice after I try a few on and comes over to see if I need assistance.  I explain what I am looking for and she begins the search.  As I begin to try on jacket after jacket and put them in a pile to purchase, the lady realizes I am here to spend and  proceeds to point out scarves and jewelry and everything else she figures she can sell me.  Finally giving me the attention I deserved from the minute I walked in the door.  I held back though and only bought 4 of the jackets (all of which were on sale).

www.fashionarchitect.net

While some would argue that she was just allowing me the time to see if I was just looking, the fact of the matter is, my husband felt the disdain radiating off her towards me the moment she looked me over.  Isn't it sad though that I have come to accept this as the norm.   Now I could have left and bought elsewhere, but I had been looking all over and this was the first place I could find a good selection of what I was looking for.

Besides, if I left the store every time someone looked at me like that, I'd be walking around naked.  

Distracted driving

After posting a rather depressing post earlier, I thought it might be good idea to lighten the mood with a cute story from earlier in the week.

On a trip uptown to get our order of wor wonton soups, my husband and I were having a discussion about nothing in particular when I noticed he was over the speed limit while going through a school zone.  (Now before you all judge, you know you have done it, don't lie!).   As always, I asked Russ if he was aware he was speeding through a school zone. Obviously annoyed with my reminder, he proceeded to inform me that 90% of all distracted driving originates with the passenger..... REALLY!!!!! You did not just go there!   

After reminding him that the school zone has been there for the last 8 years and that there is no reason why he would be distracted enough to forget it, I asked him if I should just stop talking.  He laughed and said no.  So I basically pointed out that he will need to learn how to multi-task because I will continue to talk.

After picking up our soups and proceeding home, as we approached the same school zone I made the decision to not say a word.  At approximately 3/4 of the way through the school zone when the car abruptly slowed to the speed limit, I looked over at my husband and said,"don't ever use me as an excuse to your distracted driving,"and he smiles and says, "I was still thinking about what you said earlier!"     AWE HELL NO!

Moral of the story:  Stop giving your wife ammunition for her blog.  Now everyone knows... (Not really a moral, more so a fact.)

Besties

I promised never to post negative blogs but this one I believe many other women can relate to so I will keep it short and sweet.

Recently, in a group I followed on Facebook, someone asked for everyone to post a picture of them and their best friend.  I was amazed at how this one little request was so upsetting for me.  The realization hit that I no longer have that "girl" who has my back.  Don't get me wrong, I have lots of ladies who I am lucky to call my friends.  Sadly though, all the girls that used to be my rock either live very far away or life has caused us to drift apart.

Over the last 17 years my husband has become my best friend.  He is the one I want to call first when something happens, he drops everything when I need help, and this has been enough for me.  However, I have recently been watching my daughter invest all of her time with her boyfriend and slowly reducing her "girl" time to practically nothing.  This for some reason is very concerning to me.  While she has a fabulous boyfriend, I believe it is important to keep those relationships with other girls.

This got me to thinking.  What if something happened with my husband and I?  I literally wouldn't have that ONE girl to call for moral support.  I really don't currently have that ONE girl who calls me up and says "let's go on a trip, let's go shopping, let's go to the movies." How did I let this happen?

                                                      picture originated from http://www.lovethispic.com/image/32216/best-friends-forever

Growing up I wanted LOTS of friends.  I craved it.   Being unpopular my pool was limited but I had that one girl who just "got" me. The one that you could see all day and still phone that night and talk for another couple of hours.  That was until I made some new friends in another town and while I partied with them, she no longer wanted to be around me.  I had changed.  After that phase ended, we rekindled our friendship and we can still talk for hours on the phone like it was old times but she lives 4 hours away and with us both having kids and husbands who work out of town, we have only seen each other a few times in the last 15 years.

I had a couple of really good friends when I got married and as Ally was growing up but now they both live in another city and while I love visiting them, it has become quite apparent I am now more of a third wheel when I am there.  But it makes sense, they get "Bestie time."

Reading that post and seeing all those friends that have the ability to have "bestie time" made me feel empty inside.  Some posted pictures of their moms, sisters, cousins and this didn't exactly help because I have no family here either.  =(

I spoke with my daughter and asked "What if something happens to you and your boyfriend?  Who will you turn to?"  She looks at me and smiles, "I'll have my mommy."   I don't know whether to smile or cry,  because as awesome as that sounds to me, I just don't want her to end up as alone as I am right now. 

Pity party is now closed. 

Can't talk to you about it....Your name isn't on the bill.

 Nothing infuriates me more than the telemarketer who won't speak to me because my name isn't on the bill!  Obviously they are not aware that I am the ONE WHO MAKES SURE THE BILLS ARE PAID!!!!! Which also means, I have final say as to whether or not we will change our credit cards over to you or accept MORE credit.  However I understand the legal issues that come with giving personal information to the wrong person. So Fine! HMPH!

A couple of weeks ago we received a phone call from a local financial institution. After a few minutes of me asking what it was regarding and her apologizing that she couldn't speak to me about it, I gave her Russ' number. We don't even have credit with them anymore so I'm a little confused by the phone call period. Later I learned that she was offering us a line of credit for $100,000!!!! and they would like to fight for our mortgage in 6 months when we renew. 

This amuses me to no end.  See when I met my darling husband he had already had financial issues (R9 at 18 - in fact they screwed up.....he was too young to even get a credit card!) and although I didn't have much income I had good enough credit to apply and be approved based on our total income. I'm assuming this since I had only made $1200 that YEAR and yet was approved by one credit card for $2500 and another $3000.  Explain them apples! After a few months, I added HIS name to the credit card and started to build his credit rating back up.

Over the years my credit rating sky rocketed (unbeknownst to me) as did his and when we moved to another town, we used a broker and with many bids coming in, we ended up with a phenomenal interest rate.  However with the move, I also made the decision to get rid of the credit cards originally in my name and just go with our joint line of credit.  BIG MISTAKE!!  I no longer had anything really in my name!!

A few years later I decided to apply for a credit card in my name only to learn that the only way I could get one is by getting a prepaid credit card and rebuild from there.  I had NO credit rating.  I was furious to say the least!!! It was MY credit that got us where we were in life! Now because I stayed home with my child, even though our income had more than doubled,  now it was entirely Russ'.   I was terrified! What if something happened to him.  In the end, it was part of my decision to go back to work.  I would then be approved for a credit card in my own name again. Now technically as soon as they know you aren't the bread winner in the family apparently it will change how credit is allocated and although I wouldn't be approved for loans based on income, I should still show that my credit was good. 

So here is the thing, they might be offering the line of credit to my husband but WE are still married, we aren't separated, we share a mortgage, we share credit cards and investments.  We have been doing this for 16 years!  Why is HE the only one with the credit rating?

25 Things About Me

Months ago a friend challenged me with the question.....tell me 25 things about yourself that I don't know.  25!!! (was my reaction)  I honestly don't know if I can come up with 25 things but I am going to try. These are in no particular order by any means.

1. When I was 15,  my 14 year old brother shot himself  in the abdomen with a 6 gauge shot gun.  I treated him for shock, put pressure on the wound and kept him calm until the ambulance came. Then after he was stable in the hospital I cleaned up his room so that my mother didn't have to deal with the trauma.  He is completely fine!...it was accidental for the most part and he is now grown with a family of his own.  =)

2. As a child I was overweight and picked on horribly by most of the kids at school.  The most traumatic nickname I had was "Chub, Chub, Chubby".  Still bothers me.  Funny how that is. To type it even is hard.  While I am now a confident adult, I still cringe when I think of it. 

3. In 2006 my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer the same day my father was hospitalized because of complications with his diabetes.  For a while my parents were both in the hospital on different floors.  Once my father realized mom needed to take care of herself and not him, he made the decision to stop his dialysis and let himself go.  It took him 15 days to pass. I never could say goodbye even though I knew it was inevitable he would leave.  I admire the strength it must have taken to make that decision. His birthday is soon... He would have been 78.

4. All my life I have never been anyone's first pick...for anything; for jobs, for guys, for sports, for practically anything.  Hell, even I didn't pick me.  That was until my husband came along.  He chose me.  He continues to choose me. I am his FIRST PICK and that's all I need. =)

5. I regret rushing into my wedding. Ok let me rephrase that.  I wish I would have been more patient when it come to my wedding date.  I didn't have time to go wedding dress shopping with my mom.  So I ended up buying a second hand dress off someone I knew.  I was unable to have my best friend from school be my maid of honor like we had always talked about. I couldn't have all my aunts, uncles, cousins attend because there wasn't room for everyone.  I never had a full fledged dance and everything was done by 8:30 at night.  However, that being said it was perfect! I had it at the farm that I grew up at,  my family did a great job with decorations and food and the total cost was $1000! On top of that, my hubby and I are happily married after 16 years! Not many people can say that!

6. While on vacation in Mexico in one day, I canoed on a river, trekked through the forest, visited ruins at Coba, crawled down in to a cave and swam in a cenote, zip-lined, and took part in a feast and mayan ceremony.  Then I slept and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the trip! Ha!




7. In 2006, I was in a motorcycle accident and while sliding across the highway, our bike tires bounced off the tires of a holiday trailer traveling in the lane next to us. Had I been a couple feet in front of that, I would have been ran over.  (long story)

8. In 1996, I spoke at my college grad (valedictorian so to speak) on behalf of all of the business student courses.  I have also spoke at numerous funerals, weddings and local events.  I am not scared of public speaking in the slightest but in my older age I am more scared to start crying!

9. Most will know this but not all.  I have MS but am diagnosed Mild/benign.  It is not supposed to be genetic but my grandmother had it and so did cousins on both sides of my mom's family.  Huh....not genetic eh?

 

10. I love running.  Now that I don't smoke, I can run without losing breath and that is the best feeling in the world to me.

11. My favorite color is cranberry red.

Sadie - 11wks  .79kg

12. I have always wanted a yorkie ......so last week I got one!


13. I wish I would have not been so scared and had another child despite my MS.  My cousin had more after her diagnosis and she is fine.

14. Did I mention I worry all the time.  It's genetic.  Apparently that CAN be genetic!



15.  I am scared to fail so I don't bother to try.   Pathetic I know but I am sure that I am not alone on this one.  Admittance is the first step in making change.

16.  While my husband has numerous hobbies and passions, I have absolutely nothing that I love doing.  I have tried to find things that interest me but it always just because someone else loved doing it and I tried it.  Why is it so hard to figure it out?  Is it ok to just be content living life with no extracurricular activities that you continue to do over the course of your lifetime? Maybe my passion is to try everything.

17. As a teenager I was rebellious and I did ALOT of things I am not proud of.  However, I did have fun but now I make sure to find different ways to apologize to my mom on a regular basis.   I also make sure now that there is no reason for anyone to have any gossip about me.  Then again most of the time people just made up stuff about me anyways.  Small towns. ha!

18. I am actually pretty good at interior decorating.  If I had all the money in the world, my house would be like a show home.

19. I hate being in debt but I am married to a man who figures debt is normal.  So I am at the mercy of his spending habits.  Meanwhile I can't decide what to even spend my money on so it sits there.

20.  When I was younger I wanted to be a business woman.  I had dreams of becoming a VP or someone high up in a company.  Shortly after business college I met my husband, got married and had my daughter and I must say no job could make me as happy as I am right now.

21. My girl crush is Pink. She amazes me.

22.  Spring is my favorite time of the year.

23. I'm a white wine girl.

24.  Just introduced to Pandora and already an addict.

25. I am truly grateful everyday to live in Canada. Where the worst thing we are known for is apologizing too much. (Well that and...Rob Ford. Oh and now Justin Beiber!   Hee hee!)

Christmas chocolate challenge

A couple of months ago my friend/fellow Allison (http://allycupe.wordpress.com/) and I decided it would be fun to purchase the supplies to make our own chocolates for Christmas.   Of course, Allison decided it would be more fun to make a competition out of it and drag our families into the challenge. She's not happy unless she is kicking someone's butt.  FYI:  Stay away from her during football season and don't say anything about the Saskatchewan Roughriders unless it's praise.

Although my husband and daughter were willing to help with the chocolates, it became quite apparent rather quickly that from this year on, we will be purchasing our chocolates. What started out as a nice, relaxing, sit around the table and bond moment, eventually turned into losing patience and interest, followed shortly thereafter with me cleaning up by myself.

This being said, if you decide to make your own chocolates at any point; here are a few pointers.

Pick one or two kinds of molds and buy more than one set.  It is easier to do detail work in bulk instead  of changing from one kind to another.  Plus instead of a few of each kind, you can have more of one and less likely there will be fighting over them. Ie little kids 

Make sure you have small enough brushes to do fine detail work.  We used new fine tipped paint brushes.  

You will need more than one coat of chocolate if you are painting on large areas of detail work.  

If you screw up any detail work, it wil scrape off relatively easily.

However, the easiest way to cover up mistakes is to make the entire chocolate that color.  Example: Frosty.

See! You can't even tell now that frosty once looked like he has suffered from a stroke!

Now you have to be careful to make sure nothing is in the way when you put it in the fridge to set the chocolate. Ha! Frosty has a stick up his butt! 

I must say, the Christmas trees turned out really cool! 

In our house Santa doesn't follow tradition. He can be whatever color he wants! 

 But in the end what mattered was the time spent together. Will we do it again? Not a chance in hell! But we will always have great memories of Christmas 2013. :).

On the flip side, anyone interested in chocolate making supplies? Real cheap! Maybe even free! Family not included.

Oh and for the record Allison, I think I won because my blog is posted first! Ha! If it was based on the chocolate, there really were no winners.  :P  What's the Valentine's day challenge?